Saturday, October 9, 2010

Return To Me

I'm back.

Just finished my Fulbright interview and I finally feel like myself again for the first time since... well, that's a good question. I mean, I've been me, but I've had to ignore some of my own principles and that felt so wrong. I've been feeling embarrassed and hypocritical because I've been so over busy that I haven't taken care of my physical and psychological health. I've been ignoring my craft--writing--and that's wrong in so many ways. Writing means the world to me; it's what I want to do and partly, what I want to be. Most importantly, I've been inattentive to the people I've made implicit promises to, and this breaks my heart more than I can say. Relationships give my life meaning, and make it possible for me to do the impossible, but I've needed to be self-absorbed to get through this time, and now I'm done with that. I knew it would be temporary all along, but I want everyone to know that I'm back. I've landed.

This is like, the most successful break up I've ever had because it results in a completed grant application, self-awareness, and motivation to heal any collateral damage I've caused my loved ones.

So loved ones, readers, and Mother Earth...
I'm back, I promise.

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